Five Guys Burgers and Fries

Five Guys Burgers and Fries
Park Royal Shopping Centre (South side)
2002 Park Royal South
West Vancouver, BC

To those who can only speak English, let me tell you: English is an odd language and can be twisted in really odd ways. From being a language where there are more exceptions than rules, to things times where spelling makes no sense (read vs read, in its present vs past tense), pronunciation isn’t straight forwards (tomato vs tomato) and where you can create words overnight, like malamanteau (and the hilarity it ensued afterwards). However, that does not mean I can’t use it in its own odd ways as well. A week or so ago, I wrote a tweet on the lines of (which I have deleted since):

“Getting messy with Five Guys”

Of course, I initially meant “Having a mess in Five Guys”, though, I knew that typing it differently would have raised a lot of eyebrows. But, then again, a lot of people don’t know/want to remember/are aware that “mess” can also refer to a meal, plus the fact that Five Guys was capitalized should have given a hint I was referring to something else, as in Five Guys Burgers and Fries. Of course, at times, being politically correct detracts from some jokes… Anyway, back to the restaurant and food theme, my visit to Five Guys Burgers and Fries…

Now, to those who haven’t heard/read about Five Guys, one of their biggest claim to fame includes that of current US president Barack Obama visiting their restaurant in Washington, DC. However, similar to what I wrote about Ezell’s Chicken and Oprah, just because they have $$$ and power does not mean what they like is necessarily good. If you are a long time reader, you should know that I am not a lemming jumping into any bandwagon: If it is good, it is good by its own rights. So, have all the hype surrounding this restaurant, it was time to try their goods…

There are several things that strikes me odd right from the beginning: its location. Out of all places in Metro Vancouver, they chose one that is not necessarily accessible to everybody: West Vancouver. Sure, you can get there by taking transit but, c’mon, there ought to be better and more accessible spots! The other one is, as you see above, peanuts. Now, I am not allergic to most food (as far as I know) but I have started to understand when people can’t eat some things because they can’t and not because they are not willing to. But, in the case of Five Guys, they seem to be clear that peanuts are there to stay. Oh, wait, did I mention these are free peanuts you can munch while you wait for your order? Now, it isn’t the greatest of the world but, at times, you can’t argue with free…

And what seems to be a trend nowadays, open kitchen. Here, you can see them prepare the burgers and so on. But, alas…

They do not cut their fries to order but have them stacked around the restaurant. Now, given it is a franchise, I do understand their need for standardization but, at the same time, I would guess they should consider finding local alternatives… Regardless, the proof is the final product.

In this case, I ordered their bacon burger. But, wait, did I mention a regular bacon burger but it comes with two patties? Well, it just happens that the regular burger does have two patties by default; if you want a burger with a single patty, you have to order the “little” version. Size-wise, it would about the size of two hockey pucks stacked one on top of the other. Darn, how times have changed… It seems that now everything is supersized by default… >_< Anyway, to make it a “meal”, I went for a side of fries and a drink. And, speaking of fries…

In the end, the fries were a bit disappointing. It wasn’t bad, just that it wasn’t good by any stretch of the imagination. It had a dry starchy texture and fried a bit too long. It has been one of the few instances that I had to add catsup in a wacky attempt to salvage it. Furthermore, this is their regular fries – this portion can easily feed two or three…

Back to the burger, you do not have an option of the doneness of the patties: in their case, well done (as in meat doneness) is the only way. At times, I don’t argue about it: if it is well done (as it skillfully done), it should taste great. As for condiments, I went “all in” as in “mayo, relish, onions, lettuce, pickles, tomatoes, grilled onions, grilled mushrooms, ketchup, mustard, jalapeno peppers, green peppers, A-1 sauce, Bar-B-Q sauce and hot sauce”. While some of the condiments are noticeable there, some are somewhat absent. For instance, I couldn’t taste any of the sauces (either that or they conflicted with each other in such a way they were working against each other)… And, as for the patties themselves… Well, there was some beef taste in it but it felt quite generic. It is as if you just threw some grounded meat and cook it through. If I had to compare it to a BK Whopper, it is that far away…

I won’t say that it is necessarily bad; however, there are a couple of things that prevent me from going back: price. The burger by itself is already in the $8 range. Once you add a drink and fries, it can easily balloon to $13 (though, of course, if it is two, they can share the fries). Furthermore, having it as takeout does not seem to be much of an option: in my case, after a couple of minutes to take pictures of the fries (while the burger was still wrapped) and the bun was starting already to get somewhat soft – hence, the reason I made almost no comment about it. As a result, I believe there are better options, including your more friendly White Spot (gasp!) or, given you have to drive all the way, Burger Burger (though, alas, its hours aren’t the best either). Could it be that something was lost in translation when it left Washington? Probably next time I am in the US I might found out but, based on this experience, not in any hurry.

Tagged under: Burgers • Chain Restaurant • West Vancouver